Morning everyone. Gising pa rin ako.
Ang hirap pag moody, lagi nalang nag-iisip, kaya palagi ring puyat, haha. But seriously, this moodswing is a torture. Or is it depression? I don’t know. But it’s a wreck. Imbis na maging masaya ako ngayon dahil December (ang buwan ng mga pagsasaya) eh nalulungkot ako. Yes, nalulungkot din naman ako kahit Kristiyano ako.
Overthinking, ‘failed’ friendships, disappointments, neglect— sources of my depression.
Why am I writing these down? Why am I sharing these? I realize I’m being vulnerable here as I write these things. But I’m being open about myself, a part of me that isn’t known by many of those who know me. But I’m making my weakness a source of strength.
I need to make major decisions, or maybe actions or steps to overcome this. I know it’ll be a gradual one.
Siguro kelangan ko ng bagong hobby, like running. Or magkaroon ng bike ulit, and start to bike again. Kelangan ko ring lumipat na rin sa totoo kong kwarto, para may secret place talaga ako with the LORD (ok, hindi na sya secret kasi nakwento ko na.. ahaha ^^). Kelangan ko na rin sigurong i-shut down (or i-abandon lang) ang Facebook account ko. Soon (siguro pag natapos na namin ang aming thesis, kasi dun kami nag-uusap ng mga kagrupo ko).
I need to do something else. I need to help myself also. I need to take actions for this kind of disorder.
They always say if you’ve become a Christian, you must not show sadness anymore. But we can only attain complete joy when we are finally with the LORD. Here on earth, there will always be brokenness. That’s why Jesus said, “I’ve told you this so that my peace will be with you. In the world you’ll have trouble. But cheer up! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, GW)
Nevertheless, we must not be limited in here in finding happiness amidst pain and hurt. We can ask for God’s Holy Spirit to be with us, because there’s nothing more satisfying than in His presence filled with joy…
You will show me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)
Some also say that we must not talk about our problems (I forgot the whole quote..). Well, talking and complaining are different. For me though, it helps when I write these kind of things down. Sometimes I have to let it go in writing what I’m thinking. It kind of frees my mind from all the trouble of thinking about it. (Well that’s why I subtitled my blog as outlet to sanity… :) )
Oh LORD, You know me and You love me. That will never ever change. You will never change. In every distress, every confusion, every chaos in my mind, there’s always a promise of peace in Your presence. Amidst insanity, remind me of who You are in my life– of how great, wonderful, marvelous, powerful, merciful, gracious You are in my life. Thank You, LORD…