the melancholy of midori-chan

No, this isn’t about a certain anime you might know or have watched… And oh, read at your own risk!


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When you're the only one desaturated in a world of colors...

When you're the only one desaturated in a world of colors...

 

For me, depression does not mean you have no God (if you’re already a believer). There were servants of God who were so depressed they utterly desired to die. So, don’t they have God in their hearts? Have they stopped believing and trusting God? For example, Jeremiah… Sino nga ba naman ang hindi madedepressed kung palagi ka nalang pinagbibintangan, tinutuligsa, kinukulong, pinagbabantaan…? Si Elijah. Bakit lagi syang depressed? Ewanko ba sa kanya, pero kadalasan ganun nga yun.. Katatapos lang ng great battle nya against Baal’s prophets, tas bigla-bigla gusto nalang nyang mamatay…
 
For me, depression runs in the blood. It’s in a certain man’s character. Wala namang pinipiling tao ang depression (even BPD, as I call it). Syempre kahit Kristyano ka na, tao ka pa rin naman eh. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you’ll be immune from those things. But if you’re a Christian already, iba na ang pakikiharap mo sa depression. Sino ba sa mga (tunay na) lingkod ng Diyos ang nagpakamatay nalang dahil hindi na nya kaya ang mga problema nya? (Judas Iscariot doesn’t count) Sa bawat stage of depression nila, hindi sila pinabayaan ng Diyos.
 

In the Bible, depressed people CRIED OUT to the LORD, not being silent...


 
Si Jacob, probably depressed din yan dahil sa guilt na naranasan nya out of fooling his father and angering his brother, but God made a covenant with him; si Moses, kahit ilang beses na nyang pinakiusapan ang LORD na burahin nalang ang pangalan nya sa Aklat ng Buhay kapalit ng mga Israelita, sinamahan pa rin sya ng LORD; si Elijah… well, kinuha sya ng Diyos nang buhay (sabi kasi ni tatay Dave hindi naman nawala depression nya nung mga panahong nasa bundok sya); Jeremiah, wala rin naman syang nagawa kundi sumunod, and sinamahan sya ng LORD all the way; Jonah, kahit nagpasaway sya, niligtas pa rin sya ng Diyos dahil may plano Sya and gusto Nyang mangyari yun… Sabi nga ng Lord, those who forsake his life will find it, but those who keep it will lose it (John 12:25).
 
I believe I have received this message from the LORD (through a song):

“You will overcome,
and those trials you go through
will fall one by one,
as My grace pours over you…*”

 

Over and over again I am touched by that song. I’m always reminded that the root of all answers or solutions is by seeking and finding the LORD with all of my heart (Jeremiah 29:13). It is always the answer, but I also always forget. Or take for granted. When it’s so hard to trust one self, the Lord is always faithful to be trusted.
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Well, I don’t want to really care what other people would say about this (my being depressive). What matters most is what God would say about me. After all, He’s the only One who matters.

 

I am a depressive, melancholic person, and I don’t have to deny it. For to deny it is to deny my weaknesses. But I glory in pain and suffering and in my weakness, because when I am weak, then I am strong. For Christ’s strength manifests in me (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

 

*Seek Me and Find Me by CFNI

  

I’m sorry for those who could not understand some of the language I used here (it’s in Tagalog). I just felt so easy to express myself more in Tagalog, so I hope you could manage :D
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