(Originally from my Multiply site..)
I was again frustrated last week. Frustrated of thinking about my future.. thinking palang yun ah! Puro plano, kaso palaging palyado. Nakakainis. Then there came my fears and doubts na hindi na muna makapag-aral this sem because of financial worries. Pag di ako makapag-enrol, magiging FAILED yung 2 kong INCs. Madadagdagan lang ulit ang mga taon ko sa school. At ng babayaran (malamang! Yung Oracle ko ay 5K worth ang libro na puro photocopy lang naman ~).
Sumama na naman loob ko. Nung Prayer Meeting samen, ayokong umattend kaso tinawagan ako ng pastor namin na pumunta nang maaga (yun pala dahil sa projector). In the end pinatugtog pa rin ako. Ayoko kasi, syempre machachannel yung spirit ko dun sa tugtog. Haist.
During those days before the first End-Time Boot Camp, alam ko dinideal ako ni Lord. My frustrations then were to do EVERYTHING but my problem was TIME. I was anxious because I know there’ll be conflicts between my studies (if makakapag-enrol) and ministry. But my dashing mentor tatay Dave gave me a very simple message: Don’t do it without God – Exodus 33.
12 Then Moses said to the LORD, “See, You say to me, ‘Bring up this people.’ But You have not let me know whom You will send with me. Yet You have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found grace in My sight.’ 13 Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people.”
14 And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
15 Then he said to Him, “If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here. 16 For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth.”
17 So the LORD said to Moses, “I will also do this thing that you have spoken; for you have found grace in My sight, and I know you by name.”
Moses wanted to assure if God will be with them throughout their journey into the Promised Land; if not, he’d rather not go there.
I will wait on the LORD,
Who hides His face from the house of Jacob;
And I will hope in Him.
Here comes again the waiting and hoping part. But that’s what good about our LORD. He makes us wait, not in vain, but with hope in our hearts that He will show His glory through unexpected things. He will show His salvation through our darkest times. He will show to us that it’s worth the wait because there’s a promise:
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
I know nagkulang ako kay LORD, because I’ve dealt with some things out of my own strength and might. Unless He builds the house, the workers labor in vain (Psalm 127:1). So I have to re-learn, and to trust only the LORD.
God has answered our prayer, and ayun nga, nakapag-enrol na ko. Whatever His plans are, whatever future lies ahead of me, I know it’s good; it will be the best because God is before me.
Fear not, for I have redeemed you,
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
Hindi naman halatang puro Isaiah ang verses ko ngayon.. nasa kalahati na kasi ako ng Book of Isaiah :D
Te doy Gloria! (I give You glory!)
Maybe it isn’t TIME that is the problem or the need, but the DESIRE to do so.